Feeling Burned

I've been thinking a lot lately about feeling burned and what it means to be burned. This has actually been a theme for me throughout the last year. It started around May of last year when I was having some down time with God. I was reading through some scriptures about the festivals in the Old Testament and having a conversation with God.

(I know some of you are wondering about "having a conversation with God." It's not like I hear an audible voice, it's more like just praying/thinking and then suddenly there's a clear thought in my head - which obviously isn't something I would think of. When there's a revelation or something huge, I know it's God speaking to my heart. Doesn't happen all the time but when it does I know what the Bible means about God speaking in a still small voice. Eh, okay, some of you probably think I'm crazy, keep reading anyway, mmmk?)

So the conversation when something like this:

Me: okay God, we've been asking for a few things this past year and they're just not happening. What's the deal?

God: what you're asking for isn't going to be easy on you. If you still really want it, I'll give it to you but you'll go through the fire for it. But I promise you, you won't be burned.

Me: huh? What? Like that burning bush in Exodus? (Exodus 3:2b: "Moses saw that though the bush was on fire it did not burn up.")

God: something like that.

So I had my own interpretation of what this meant. I looked at what my friends had gone through to sell their houses or to have kids and weighed what I'd do in similar situations. Thing is, God deals with everyone differently and I should have know our experience would be so much different. (I'm a slow learner sometimes.)

A couple weeks later our house was broken into and some very personal belongings were taken. I immediately went into a tailspin and got angry with God. "Hey! Didn't you say I wouldn't be burned? I'm feeling really burned right now." I talked to Jason about it and he said that maybe my definition of being burned was different than God's definition. When God promises something, he delivers. So I tried to look at the positive - neither of us were home during the break-in. I happened to be wearing the jewelry that is most important to me that day. We were safe, and our home was secured (door fixed & security system installed) within 2 days. But I was still feeling burned - why didn't God protect us from this?

The following weekend we visited a new church in Olive Hill (Jason's hometown) and the pastor, Chris Binion, spoke about Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego from Daniel 3. These were the 3 guys that were thrown into a furnace for refusing to worship created gods. When the king looked in the furnace, he saw 4 men walking around - absolutely fine. (Some say the 4th guy was an angel protecting them, others think he was Jesus.) Here's the kicker about that story - in verse 27: "Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego came out of the fire... the fire had not harmed their bodies, nor was a hair of their heads singed; their robes were not scorched, and there was no smell of fire on them."

The funny thing was that we had been camping with friends that weekend and Chris pointed out that we smelled like campfire when we came in. We didn't have a campfire that morning, and the clothes we wore were clean. These guys were IN the fire, and when they came out their clothes weren't singed at all and they didn't smell a bit like fire. God promised that they wouldn't be burned and they weren't. Even to the extent of not even smelling like they had been in the fire. Dang.

I was starting to get it. These 3 guys didn't whine about getting thrown in the furnace. They were acting out their faith and for it they got thrown into the fire. The guys who threw them in were instantly burned - I can't even imagine being in that situation. (I'm not going to get graphic here, but just imagine that for a moment.) They went through a literal fire and trusted God would save them every step of the way. I'm going through a figurative fire and I'm a whiney-butt.

So I'm adjusting what I think it means to be burned. 2009 was a rough year. Just about everything we asked God for didn't happen. However, we ended 2009 with less debt than we had the year before, and our marriage is pretty strong, and our lives are pretty great. But most importantly, my faith is stronger than it's ever been. Maybe that's the point for going through the fire. To see if we'll bravely proclaim that our God is able to deliver us - or will we get whiney and complain about all the little trials we're going through.

Hey, God made me a whiney person, so I know he's not surprised at my reactions. God never promised me that life would be easy. He doesn't owe me everything I ask for. I'll admit, I'm a spoiled-brat daughter of God. I know how much he loves me and I probably ask for a lot more than I should have (and expect it). I throw my temper-tantrums and he still loves me as much as ever. And then I calm down and realize that through everything, he's still protecting me from how bad it could have been.

I don't think we're done going through the fire. I think there's more to come, but my reaction is getting better. Hopefully soon when I'm feeling the flames again I'll be able to face it head on with the attitude of "bring it on!" Because God promised me that I won't get burned and I'm doing my best to trust him.