The back story: We started trying to get pregnant in May of 2008, several months after we got married. A few months later we started counting days and taking my temperature. After several months of nothing we found out that our hot tub wasn't helping the situation. So Jason was banned from the hot tub and after waiting a period of time we started again - counting the days and charting everything. Still no baby.
We tried ovulation prediction kits, and nothing. And then heartbroken, I didn't want to "try" anymore. Everyone told us we were stressed and to quit trying, so we did. Then we started making plans to move to Kentucky and I was suddenly glad I wasn't pregnant. But now, 8 months later, we still haven't moved.
So back in December Jason and I decided we were going to start trying again - using the scientific method again. We got the ovulation prediction kit and started counting days. I was so afraid to get my hopes up because the let down seems to get worse each time. I think that would be my biological clock mocking me. Even if I got pregnant immediately, I'd still be 38 when the baby was born. They call a pregnancy after you're 35 a "geriatric pregnancy." Not because I'm old but because my eggs are old. (Why do raisins come to mind???)
So last Saturday I was a day late and we decided to take a pregnancy test. I have a love/hate relationship with these little plastic sticks that we pee on. I sat it on the sink and waited. One line. Yes, this is what usually happens. I did some other things and a minute later looked back and... is that a 2nd line??? I waited but all that appeared was a very faint second line. Was it even there?
"Well, that's annoying." Jason hearing me say this came in and looked at the test. He saw the very faint 2nd line and asked if that meant I was pregnant and I told him I wasn't sure. So the google searching began. Our online searching basically told us that we had bought a cheap test that wasn't good at detecting hCG, the pregnancy hormone. (Don't buy Answer Pregnancy Tests, even if it says it's an "early" pregnancy test - it's not.) The final answer was "probably, but you should take the test again to be sure."
We were afraid to get our hopes up; we both needed big red flashing signs and a "probably" wasn't going to do it for us. So Sunday morning I took another test and got the same faint line, but this one was definitely darker. That was enough for us - it was a positive test!
So I called the doctor on Monday and talked to a nurse and explained the situation. We made an appointment for March to come in for the first ultrasound. I was feeling some nausea and was definitely tired. I started limiting my caffeine and avoiding Advil... and my electric blanket. :(
Then the trouble started. Around noon yesterday I started bleeding. (If you're even in the bathroom and hear a woman say "crap" out loud it's never a good thing.) We were worried but then turned again to google searches. 20-30% of women experience bleeding and will still have a healthy baby. Just to be on the safe side, I called the doctor again. I went in this morning to get some blood work to find out the hormone levels and get a good idea what was going on.
This afternoon I got the news. My hormone levels were really low - I was no longer pregnant. I talked to the nurse about the faint line pregnancy tests and everything else and her assumption was that it wasn't a viable pregnancy. That I probably started losing it as soon as I was pregnant. (In our internet searching on pregnancy tests this was never mentioned, but some of our friends have experienced this - questionable results followed by miscarriage.)
We're both disappointed but there's a silver lining - we CAN get pregnant! I have friends who have gone through this and have spent thousands of dollars trying to get pregnant. We've spent $30 so far (this year). There is sadness, but there is hope. This wasn't our only chance and I feel very strongly that we'll have good news again soon.
Thank you to all our friends who have been praying for us. Please continue to pray for us when God puts us on your heart. I believe all your prayers today made a huge difference. There was really no way to save the pregnancy, but we felt God's comfort and peace the whole time. Instead of discouraged we are encouraged. We've gotten so many words of support and encouragement, we're just overwhelmed by your love and understanding. Thank you again.
I think I'm going to go have a Diet Coke and take some Advil (I've got a pain that won't be ignored) and I'm definitely turning on my electric blanket tonight. And I can go back to running... anyone want to join me tomorrow night?
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